Heart Guardian Journey
This journey was the hardest for me to do. I went in and I was a top of a plateau. It was a beautiful scene, it was serene. I felt like I was very high and I can see the bottom below however I was still touching the land not floating. Then I heard a cry and when I look up I see this beautiful phoenix flying above and he swoops down by me. As I was mesmerized by it, I all of sudden find myself having monkey brain. I saw flashes of different images, which I have no recollection of them at all. Then there was nothingness… I was gone, not sure for how long but I was gone. I was woken up by my spiritual teacher, he said “come on there is work to be done”. As he said this, the bird majestically approached me and I can truly get a sense of how huge his wing span was. He was flapping his wings in front of me. I felt the breeze and the moving of my hair and I see he has an egg in his talons. I extended my arms out and he places it in my hands with great care. I started to hear in the background the guided meditation asking me to come back and so I did.
Basic Information and Insights
The Heart Chakra is ruled by the element of Air. It’s affirmation is “I am filled with unconditional love” and it’s mantra is OM SHUKRAYA NAMAHA. The Heart Chakra deals with balance, love and self-acceptance. For me the sumerian deities associated with this Chakra are Inanna the goddess of love and war and Ninlil the Lady of the Air, consort to the great God of Air Enlil.
Once back, I started to think about what the egg symbolizes to me and what it symbolizes is a new beginning. Like the phoenix that rises from its ashes and rises yet again as a new creature unlike the first one, it is just showing me the cycle of life, death and rebirth, which in simple terms, it is the cycle of beginnings and endings. And this thought led me to think of my darling Goddess Inanna which embodies herself, with her Decent into the Underworld, this very cycle. As I am writing this, the song from Lisa Thiel’s Song to Inanna is playing in my head. Now as I apply this to the matters of my heart, I understand that for every love lost and new one comes and sometimes we must not just work to be better people but we need to completely start anew. There are times in our lives that we love ourselves unconditionally, and some others in which we loath who we are. At times we starve our own selves from love and we seek for it in the wrong places instead of within ourselves. I am very guilty of such of act against myself. I am my harshest critic. I am so unforgiving and unwilling to move on from the mistakes that I have made. I think the phoenix is here to remind me that I can put an end to my own suffering and start anew. A brand new creature unlike the previous one with the whole world before her and infinite possibilities. It also brings forth the realization that I do have to love myself unconditionally Always not sometimes. That I have to truly accept myself for who I am, not for who I wish I could be. That I need to forgive myself for giving others the power to destroy my self-love, my self-worth and reclaim it as my own. I alone must be the judge, always remembering to come from a place of love, and no just any love but unconditional love.
I struggled a lot to write this particular blog. I kept wondering why am I so afraid to just open myself and have the experience. The reason why is because there is a lot of hurt. Hurt from things of the past, hurt from previous life times in which I struggled with self-acceptance and suffered for being who I was. I know that still, this very day, I still struggle with the fact that my father felt that I was unworthy of his love. I struggle with the fact of how I have disappointed my mother in so many ways by not having the same values or beliefs as she does, or by not living my life the way she wanted me to or how she wanted me to. By not achieving some important goals in my life due to my own mistakes. I don’t like hurt and exploring and diving into this Chakra did just that. It showed me my scars and in a way, it poked them and forced me to reevaluate certain beliefs and emotions. After all this time, after all the work I have done, it still hurts and I guess it will always hurt to a certain extent. Just like when I think of good things, it warms my heart and brings a smile to my face. It is part of life and this existence. It is part of how we learn about this reality and about ourselves. I just have to accept it, forgive myself and move on. I have to embrace all of me! I need to keep healing, keep loving and keep feeling. I need to be like a phoenix, I need to arise from my own ashes.